Animaniacs?
by notmagnificent
Summary: Three ficlets from an Animaniacs Quote prompt table. Features Wheel of Fortune, a latex allergy, and Mike and Ikes.


**A/N: These are from the LJ Animaniacs Prompt Table. Written for the Month of Mayhem, also on LJ.**

* * *

**001. I'd like to buy a vowel.**  
_This is the product of a good hour wasted on a Wheel of Fortune online game. I love life._

"Hmm. Something's first something. Baby's first birthday?"

"Nope. Baby doesn't have an 'I.'"

"Well fine." Mary took a swig of her beer and pushed herself further into her partner's plush couch, obviously sulking after her third incorrect guess.

"I can't believe anybody actually watches this show anymore. You really don't..._oh my God why would you choose W? That is the absolute worst letter to choose!_" At this point she was halfway off the couch, wondering aloud (quite loudly, actually) how this Donald guy had enough brains to spell his name for Pat-motherloving-Sajak.

A snicker came from Marshall's general direction, and when she turned to scowl at him she found his gaze away from the TV for what may have been the first time since the show started. A stupid grin was plastered on his face as he pointed one long finger at her and asked her "And who is the doofus now?"

A visible pout came over her face as she turned away and playfully muttered "You..."

Donald guessed another letter ('B') and was wrong, and when Christine went bankrupt Marshall grimaced in genuine sympathy for her. He eventually pointed out (as was inevitable) that the letter 'J' was the third least common in the English language, and the second contestant was making a foolish mistake.

"I'm gonna go with 'D,'" Stefan proclaimed decisively, and when the lovely blonde assistant came out to smile dumbly and tap the screen, Marshall's eyes lit up.

"Child's First Haircut."

An eyebrow raise, and "No way did you get it that fast."

He grinned, obviously satisfied, and looked back at her. "Want to bet donut duty next morning?"

"I like raspberry filled."

*

One commercial break and two minutes later, the answer flashed across the screen as Mary's beer almost flew across the room in her fury, and Marshall proudly declared that he would like two glazed donuts on his desk the following morning.

_Predictable, I know. I just couldn't resist._

----------  
  
**004. Break into a rash**.  
_I really hope the end of this isn't lost on you guys._

"Second 'friend of the family' dead within three months of the witness relocation. Do you really think that's an accident?"

"I'm just saying that you shouldn't jump to conclusions, _m'lady_. We don't quite know if he was connected to the family or not."

"And I'm just saying that if you call me '_m'lady_' one more time, you'll leave here without the remainder of your testicles."

The proud grin Marshall displayed on his face at that comment turned to a curious smirk as he found his partner's gaze shifting to look past him instead of at him. He held up his hands in question, and to get her attention.

"What's that on the victim?" she asked. "Shiny thing on his chest."

"I don't know. Have a look?"

"Oh, thanks genius."

As she bent down to go spelunking in the body, a quintet of long, skinny fingers halted her wrist six inches above it.

"Gloves?" he suggested.

She returned his suggestion with an indignant return to her feet and a scowl. "I don't need gloves."

His expression went blank. "It's a dead body. Vultures have been eating at its face."

"Okay, so I can't wear gloves. Drop it?"

"Wait, wait." He touched her forearm in a gesture of genuine concern. "Why can't you?"

Her reply came out muffled and under her breath, just barely audible to her poor partner. "Latex allergy..."

The response set off what could almost be described as a chain reaction. Once he had gathered her response, his face lit up like it so infallibly does when another piece of trivia is shoved into the endless file cabinet that is his brain.

"I didn't know-"

"No, you didn't. I developed it about a month or two ago, and I did not _feel_ like sharing it with you."

The light in his eyes gave way to confusion. "I would have noticed if you had a rash from latex gloves...unless, that is, it wasn't from latex gloves..." And now Marshall underwent one last face change as the source of the elusive allergy dawned upon him, from confusion to the most sly, conniving, dirty smile she had ever seen on his face, and one that she could swear he wore for most of the remaining day.

_"You..."  
_  
"No."

"You were..." He tried to contain his giggles.

"No, I was _not!"_

He finally conceded to a laughable combination of a giggle and a snort. "_Okay..."  
_  
**----------**

005. Wherever there is stupidity, we'll be there! Wherever there is candy, we'll be there a lot quicker!  
_This was about as close to the actual prompt as I could get. Sad, huh?_

Between two not-unsubstantial bus riders and his thick coat, Marshall struggled to push the buttons on his phone and cursed the devilish  
woman who put him there. With great difficulty, he brought the phone to his ear and clicked his tongue absently.

Mary's greeting, a sharp click of the phone and an equally sharp _"Yes?"_, tipped him off that she was in a particularly abrasive mood, and quelled any harsh complaints he had on his mind.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"No."

"Thanks. I have a date tonight, and Jordan needs me to stop by her place to give her some forms and fix the dishwasher. The forms are on my desk, in the blue folder."

As her lovely reply came across the phone _(Would you like me to pick up your drycleaning and do your dishes as well, needledick?)_, the facial expressions of those patrons flanking him indicated that his conversation was not quite exclusive between him and Mary.

With a mouthed 'I'm sorry' to the elderly lady and the thirty-something man on either side, Marshall replied, "The only reason I can't be there is that instead of going to her house myself, _I_ have to go to the impound lot because _you _parked my car illegally. Now I have to pay bus fare and 60 dollars of fines."

"Is it my fault you didn't see the meter?"

"No, but you should have seen it as well, and it is completely your fault that I was parked in two spaces."

"Whatever. Jordan has a yippy rat dog that makes me want to wring its head off and tie it to a moving fan," she declared in all seriousness.

He sighed. "Charming. If you do this for me, there will be a coffee and a jumbo box of Mike and Ikes on your desk by the time you get into work."

There was a long pause, though he already knew he had her hooked. "Make it two and you have yourself a deal."

He smiled slyly. Although it would cost him around 6 more dollars, he felt that he had won this battle (or come as close to winning as one can with Mary while she is in this particular state of mind).

"Have fun with the lucky man tonight," she said, a smug smile in her voice.

"Oh, insulting my sexuality. Clever," he shot back with sarcasm dripping from his tongue, and a grin to match hers hanging off his lips as he closed his phone.

**All I can ask is that you tell me what you think.**


End file.
